It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have no religion. These are the religious terms that appeared a statistically significant number of times. Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often times per 10, messages, second only to mentions of christian and ahead of for jewish and for muslim.
But ideally you should just disbelieve the whole thing. The program then aggregated results by phrase before presenting the data. No one at OkCupid read any actual user messages to compile this post. Written by Christian Rudder. You want her to get motivated to actually send you a message back. My favorite line was:. This is a great way to connect with her and demonstrate that messaging you is in her best interest.
She is on that site to meet someone great and that just might be you. Now that you have given her every reason to reply you tell her exactly what you want her to do. If you can get her to take the big step of messaging you back your odds have already increased tremendously. I knew that would get your attention! I read through your profile and we seem to share a love of adventure, the feel of sand in our toes, and the taste of an authentic french croissant.
I just got back from a life changing two week scuba retreat in Belize. I think we would have a lot of fun together even if you are going to be mopey the whole night after I kick your butt in ping pong. Message women when they are more likely to be online. If you see she was last online at 8: You want to be at the very top of her inbox when she logs in.
Again I want to reiterate that this is a general first message online dating formula and should be tailored to your needs and experience. The first message is only one part of the equation that includes your profile and your photos. Take a look at our eHarmony guide , Match.
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Michael Stevens is a regular contributing writer to BeyondAges. This is the place for pretty much everyone who takes dating seriously, but still wants to have fun. Though OkCupid's advertisements may have "DTF" plastered all over them, the site's intentions and matchmaking process are no joke. It might take some time and genuine effort to make a profile, but that's what you want if you're looking for something real. You'll fill out a questionnaire with your answers as well as what you would like your ideal match to answer.
This makes the application-building process a lot more fun than other apps, making it feel like an online quiz. It asks a range of questions, from simple stuff to whether you smoke and drink to more intimate things like how many dates you typically wait before sleeping with someone.
The app says that the more questions you answer, the better your matches will be. The deeper you go, the more accurate your profile is. In turn, OkCupid will have a way easier time finding matches for you. Like we said in our eharmony review , just because you're bored with Tinder doesn't mean eharmony or a site with the same expectation to settle down is the next step. A lot of those users are older, divorced, and have kids, and there's a much slimmer selection of young people in that gray area.
Woke level: 100
OkCupid seems ideal for the person who's trying to marry the next person they date, even if they idea of marriage and kids makes them slightly nauseated. The LGBTQ community finally has a safe space in the online dating world that is, one that's not a super niche lesbian or gay-only app , and those who usually vote liberally can make sure they're not going on a date with someone whom they'd want to fight on Facebook. Get with the times, people. OkCupid also has a sick blog where they discuss social issues, success stories, local events, showcase statistics from their users, and more.
It's a great way for the makers behind the screen to get connected with the people using their site, and makes OkCupid feel less like just another dating app that wants to make money.
11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses
Some people seem to be using OkCupid like Tinder and were only visiting, while most will specify exactly what they're looking for in their bios, so confusion about intentions should be minimal. It's serious, but not serious. And then there's the political aspect of it. While most dating sites refuse to take sides, OkCupid has made it clear that they care about social justice issues.
That's not to say that it's not worth a shot, but if you're trying to cast your net as wide as possible, another site where these issues aren't highlighted may give you better luck. As with any dating site, there will be the one-star ratings, enthusiastically negative reviews, and complaints from people about things that the site itself has no control over. No, Karen, it is not OkCupid's fault that John ghosted you. Dead profiles, catfishing, and getting abruptly suspended is annoying.
OkCupid has its fair share of each, but unfortunately, it's nearly impossible to guarantee that a site is completely free of flaws. OkCupid does try to combat fake profiles by having users connect an Instagram account, which is way harder to fake than an online dating profile. Cities are overflowing with users, but less populated areas see a huge drop in potential matches.
One thing that is a legitimate issue is the user base in less-populated areas. Cities like NYC, where I live are overflowing with potential boos, but I guarantee that if I logged on in my middle-of-nowhere hometown, my number of matches within a mile mile radius would drop an alarming amount. For those who have been using the site for years, they've noticed a significant slowdown with finding people to talk to, as you can't see who's messaged you until you like them back, and going through all of the possible people already takes forever.
It's easier to just block people if you don't want their messages instead of almost never being messaged at all, you know? OkCupid falls under both the classic dating site category and the swiping app category, which also means that they have way more competition than most one-or-the-other platforms do.
When it comes to swiping apps, Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are the obvious top three competitors. None of them want to be known as as hookup app, and it's definitely possible to find a long-term relationship on any of them, but Tinder and Bumble provide so little information that user intentions are easy to surmise. Alternatively, Hinge calls itself "The Relationship App" and requires users to be a bit more serious with their pickings by judging off more than a few selfies.
Where Hinge may fall short is the fact that it pretty much caters to young people only, while OkCupid is more wide-ranging. When it comes to more traditional sites, OkCupid's obvious competitors are eharmony , Zoosk , and Plenty of Fish. Match has the size advantage by far and though OkCupid will always be 1 in my heart, Match is a close second.
It's also an OG player in the online dating game, and it's always nice to have the reassurance that there are veteran masterminds behind the matchmaking process. Match has numerous unique features to meet new people that no other site has even come close to. I was obsessed with their eagerness to get people together IRL read more in our review here. It's a little less trendy and millennial than OkCupid, and maneuvering through the dating pool is pretty much a free-for-all.
How to Write Your First Online Dating Message
The way that OkCupid breaks suggestions down by categories makes everything significantly more organized and helps to give an idea of what might or might not work with a person right off the bat, which I found to be an extreme leg up. If you're looking to settle down ASAP and want to meet others who aren't down to clown either, eharmony may be more up your alley.
This isn't to say that OkCupid isn't serious, because it is — it just gives a little more leeway when it comes to people's intentions.