The good news is that they're using condoms and they keep them at our house. Look, YOU are her parent, not her friend. Sometimes you have to make your kid angry in order to help them. Why the hell does she not have her drivers license?! You have not helped your daughter by babying her and giving in and just letting her give up every time she gets upset. I tend to agree. The more I read here, the more that it seems like OP tiptoed around her daughter rather than forcing her to do things she didn't want to do, like get birth control, go to therapy, go to tutoring, have her assessed for learning disabilities, and so on.
Parenting does not look like Gilmore Girls , for Christ's sake. Yes, there are times that I go out for Chinese food with my daughters the age gap between me and my elder daughter is actually shorter than Rory's and Lorelai's and we watch movies and we talk about everything under the sun, but there's also plenty of time that consists of, "I'm not going to let you do what you want to do" and door slamming and histrionic weeping. You could try to set up annual appointments both with a gp and obgyn for both of you, separately. The doctors will probably bring up birth control on their own, and might suggest therapy as well.
If you make the appointment for yourself too on a different day , you're normalizing it as a regular part of life for an adult woman. I wouldn't go get blood work this year until my mom also did, and she didn't go to the eye doctor until I did. Whilst this is sensible advice, but whether or not she is on birth control is not up to OP and the possibility exists that she doesn't want to be in birth control given her "ambition" of being a SAHM. Don't know why you're getting downvoted.
While yes, it certainly would be a good idea for her to be on birth control, that is not up to OP to decide. I think what the original poster really meant to say was "encourage her to get on birth control. And I'd also suggest that you help her get some counseling. If nothing else, you can use the excuse that if she's gonna be a SAHM stress on the MOM part , then she needs to make sure she's stable and comfortable and able to give the proper care to a baby. You really can't do anything about her dating this guy, unfortunately.
It's her choice, just make it clear that you're there for her whenever she needs you. Be his opposite in everything. Respect her, even when you disagree strongly with her choices. Treat her like she's capable, even when it doesn't look like it.
Be an example of what real love looks like. She has more pressing problems anyway. DO offer to help her find a good therapist, and fund it if you can.
Don't frame it like you think she's crazy; just tell her that she's facing a tough transitional point in her life and she could use as many people as possible on her team while she navigates it. Remember to hug her too. It makes a difference. If you see her looking sad or scared, don't interrogate her or press her.
Just give her a hug and tell her you love her.
What You Must Know Before Dating an Older Man | PairedLife
I swear it helps. While there are occasionally age gap relationships that work, I share your concerns and I think it's overwhelmingly likely that the relationship is or will become exploitative of your daughter. One thing to keep in mind when approaching this is that she's with him because he makes her feel good about herself.
That's what you're going up against.
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So she has all these things she likes about this guy that make her feel good about herself and her relationship, and you're going to come along to tell her that no, all these things that you thought were good -- they're actually bad. She is going to resist that like nothing else -- she's going to see this as you trying to take away the biggest source of happiness in her life. I'm not really sure how you should approach this, but I think there are a lot of other comments here that will send you in the right direction.
I just think it's important to keep her perspective in mind when you approach this. Best of luck to you and her. Assist her in getting her GED asap, there's no excuse for someone not graduating high school in We live in a society now where a bachelor's degree is common education, high school should be a breeze.
Hold her accountable that she HAS to work part time in order for you to pay for those driving lessons.
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You could easily have been describing a 14yr old girl in your post. There's a burden on your shoulders here, make right. If the money situation at home is alright, can you and her go away for a weekend and relax somewhere at a spa? Maybe you can start spending more time with her and make sure to tell her every day that you love her and are always here to support her no matter what.
Your focus should not be to forbid her from seeing him, because that will push her closer to him, and may even push her to move in with him sooner rather than later. Focus on raising her self esteem and confidence. Maybe you can share with her stories about times you failed, were dissapointed in yourself and depressed and talk about how you were able to pick yourself up. Unfortunately I don't think you can really do much. She's technically an adult, but a teenager at the same time, so if you try to prohibit her from seeing him, she'll most likely do it anyway and start resenting you in the meantime.
I would try to have a talk with her, voice your concerns and why you have them, tell her that you are there for her in case things go south, but that you won't interfere with the relationship unless she wants you to. Just watch out for her, because while I have nothing against age gaps generally, this situation is fishy and creepy as hell.
Patience Is EVERYTHING
Where's the tough love? She's 18 with no diploma or GED. She doesn't have a job and can't drive. She feels like a failure because she is one. That should be focus one.
Then licence, then job. As long as she is living in your house her education needs to be priority one. If she won't work on it then she needs to move in with her boyfriend. Talk to her boyfriend. Tell him that she needs to complete her basic education and if he cares for her he will help her. She may need to learn the hard way about her relationship.
Welcome to Reddit,
All you can do is help her achieve the milestones she's missed. Broken hearts are inevitable. OP cannot do "tough love". OP is the parent, not her friend. She is 18, there is going to be drama regardless. If she moves in with her creepy boyfriend so be it. She's going to live her life. But as long as she's under OPs roof she needs to work on bettering herself, not avoiding her problems.
OP needs to put the foot down and quit cowering to her emotions. We all need a foot up our ass every once in a while. Knowing her, she'll move in with her boyfriend. That's the opposite of what I want. He can get her pregnant there!